


The Amazing Amnesiacs of New York Get Rich Rolled

by nonky



Series: The Amazing Amnesiacs of New York [9]
Category: Blindspot (TV)
Genre: F/M, Season/Series 02
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-08
Updated: 2017-04-08
Packaged: 2018-10-16 08:06:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10567131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nonky/pseuds/nonky
Summary: Up close, the gingery beard was even redder, and the eyes more blue. He was tall and muscular but he carried himself with a hesitation. Roman was the biggest, strongest, most delicate man candy Rich had ever seen in his life. He wanted to pat the bed and tell him to have a nice, long nap while someone who could knit would knit him a cozy sweater. The vulnerable gingersnap was a monument of beautiful soul trapped in a deceptively strong body.He wasn't for gobbling up. He was for hugging until his face couldn't help but relax into a blissful oblivion of unconditional love. He was Jane's little brother and Kurt Weller's substitute baby."You're Roman! I'm Rich Dotcom," he said eagerly. "I'm sure Jane's told you all about me."





	

Kurt Weller stood next to the elevator, wondering to himself who he was hoping would be arriving first. There were complications for any possibility, and it was part of his job to manage his office. He knew everyone involved enough to have a plan, and he was sadly certain at one point his plan would deteriorate to yelling at people. 

He wasn't going to apologize for bringing his own personal management style to his office.

A part of him was praying this would be the one day Jane might play hooky, staying at home with Roman and eating unhealthy snacks while watching movies. It was unlikely, given the work ethic of both siblings, but he would sign off on a sick day if it kept them safely separate from the action in the office. 

He'd agreed to host Rich Dotcom during the recesses in Rich's legal meetings in the city. The hacker was still recovering from being shot, and it was a very long drive back and forth to the prison. Kurt wouldn't have done it for anyone else, but Rich had been shot on his watch. It was a relatively simple favour. 

Much later, with a drink in his hand and finally arriving home very late, Kurt would recall how incorrect his internal pep talk had been.

He heard the music first, oddly coming from the elevator as the car stopped. The doors opened before he could wonder at the muzak or identify the song. Rich held an original iPod above his head, a small tinny speaker plugged into it playing 'Never Gonna Give You Up.' He was wheeled off the elevator by a U.S. Marshall, and a man who was either a nurse or a very muscular stripper in the scrubs of a nurse followed. 

"Kurt! I'm glad we could arrange some time together while I'm in town," the invalid said happily. He lowered the iPod and held a bouquet of red roses up with a flourish. "Now, these are for both you and Janie, but we all know they belong together, so you'll just have to put them somewhere you can both enjoy them. The beauty is in seeing them as a meaningful whole and not split up to sacrifice to some artificial propriety."

"Hello, Rich," he replied politely, taking the roses without argument. "Marshall? Will you be staying?"

"Not if I'm not needed. U.S. Marshall Trent Mitchell. I can sign Richard Dotcom off to you, and come back to pick him up when the lawyers are ready for him again."

"Assistant Director Kurt Weller, and that sounds fine by me," he said. "I believe you have some papers for me?"

They exchanged the appropriate forms, and Kurt looked at Rich's nurse. "I see the prisoner's lawyers made arrangements as well?"

"He's a registered nurse, passed the screening," Mitchell said. "I don't think he's strictly there for medical necessity, but it didn't seem worthwhile to try to block him."

Rich did have a bum leg, and it would give a good excuse to hide them both away somewhere quiet. Kurt nodded and handed back the marshall's paperwork as he tucked his own under the same arm as his token from Rich. There was at least one rose stem trying to hitch in his shirt, Rich bringing him a literal thorn in his side. 

"It's not a problem. Let me know when you'll need to pick him up," he said. 

"Likewise. I, uh, you know he's got some weird ideas about you and your wife, right? I mean, it's hard to take him seriously as a dangerous stalker, but he told me all about it on the way here," Mitchell said quietly. "He's pretty obsessive on the other times you've met. Wouldn't want him quite that interested in my wife, to be honest."

"Rich is harmless. He just likes having something to gossip about. He'll be supervised the whole time, but thanks for the warning."

The marshall gave him a nod and left quickly. The nurse was helping to roll the wheelchair in all directions. Kurt allowed the moment of distraction before clearing his throat. 

"Looking for something," he asked.

"Jane's here by now, isn't she? Unless she had a long night, and had to sleep in," Rich said meaningfully. "Now I feel bad. I could have rescheduled my appointments. I don't want to get in the way of true love."

Impending fatherhood must be giving him patience, because Kurt knew he was irritated but let it roll off easily. He shrugged and made a face that didn't really give any information, positive or negative. 

"Jane doesn't rush to the office anymore. She has a new roommate and it's not as lonely at her house," he said vaguely. "She'll be in later, I'm sure. It's early."

Rich put a hand out and his nurse stopped the chair. "Hold up! She has a new 'roommate,'" he said suspiciously. "Like she went on Craigslist and is splitting the rent with some weirdo? Or she moved in with someone and you're trying to play it off like a grinning lunatic while everything explodes?"

That was the secret to his new tolerance of Rich. Kurt was in on the recent developments of her life, and the hacker had been left on a cliffhanger. Jane had been dating the last the other man knew, and this could be a lengthy misunderstanding that would agonize him. Kurt didn't even need to help the story along. If he was vague and made it clear he wasn't the mystery roommate, Rich would be breathing fire by the time Jane arrived at work. 

Kurt moved the roses to his other arm, feigning wounded dignity. "She knows him and she loves him. I would think you could try to be supportive if I'm able to see it's better Jane has someone to go home to," he said, letting his tone go a bit preachy. "I want her to have good things in her life."

Rich dropped his arm into his lap, and he moaned like a dying animal. "STUBBLES! NOOOOOOO!"

The nurse might be a real medical professional, because he started fishing in his bag for a bottle of pills. "Mr. Dotcom, it is getting near the time you'll need some pain management," he said. 

Rich cut him off with a rude shrug away and started rolling the chair himself. "I don't want to be numbed. It's my brain that's aching," he complained. "Kurt, you can't just keep doing this. She's the perfect woman! Eventually she's going to move on completely. You'll be left alone, and you aren't good at moving on. She has the greenest eyes in the world!"

Jane did have the greenest eyes, and they had sparkled when she'd snuggled her brother's arm as they walked down the hall and into Roman's new life. Kurt smiled to himself and flinched as Rich threw the iPod at him. 

"What are you on?! This is about that Oliver guy, right? What the hell happened? They haven't been dating that long," he ranted. 

It would be hard to be glad Oliver had gotten Jane kidnapped. The terror of not knowing where she was was still jangling through Kurt's dreams, and he was never going to be able to leave her to her weekends off without at least calling her security detail to make sure she was safe. He wasn't going to celebrate the ordeal, but the breakup wasn't the worst outcome. He had been running out of nice things to say about her dating someone else, and he wasn't sure why he'd ever tried to be supportive. 

"Oliver and Jane went to his family's vacation house for a few days," he told Rich, keeping his body language constrained. "And since she came back, Jane hasn't been living alone."

None of it was a lie, and Rich sputtered like a failed attempt at beatboxing. "I-I-buh-argh-ffffsssssssh. God, Kurt, I was counting on you and I can't tell if you are reading the situation badly or actively trying - TRYING! - to spite me. She's a good woman, and after a certain point she's going to feel she should try to make it work with that dick. What if he talks her into a kid? Do you want to have to share her forever with another man? Having to raise a stepkid that resents you?"

Every ounce of tolerance in his body boiled away instantly. Jane was single now, she was beautiful and she exuded an interest in other people that was magnetic. Kurt had no idea if she wanted kids, but she'd seemed to think positively about them. There was nothing stopping her dating, or even deciding to get pregnant. He had thought helping Roman would fill the void of dating, but that was naive. She'd been waiting to have a life for months, and now that she had some experience she might continue trying to find a boyfriend. 

Hell, Remi had been engaged, and she was less emotional and willing to trust people than who she'd become without her memories. If there was such a thing as the marrying kind, Jane was it. 

He shook himself out of the irrational train of thought, and reminded himself talking to Rich was like having a logic hallucination. There was a level of truth to consider, but a lot of it was presumption. He couldn't assert a claim on someone he'd never asked on any date. 

"I don't see that happening anytime soon," Kurt said, trying to untangle his shirt buttons from the loop of wire dangling the iPod. "Watch your tone. Anyone who doesn't appreciate Jane and whoever she loves enough to consider her family wouldn't deserve her."

Rich took back the iPod and put it in a pocket. "See? You don't get to be Rational Bossman Weller now and expect everybody's going to forget all the times you were willing to let the world go hang because Jane might be in danger. I talk to people. They all notice, they don't think it's over, and they're all a little too in awe of her to say anything."

He was the boss and he was rational. Rich's melodrama was suddenly a matter of urgent concern. They were still only a few feet away from the elevator where Jane and Roman would be arriving soon. 

"This is not a conversation I'm having with you," he said crisply. "I'll show you to medical. You'll be guarded there while you wait for the next appointment."

"Oh, good, maybe they have a copy of Jane's ultrasound picture and I can see the preview of the new baby for myself," Rich growled. He slumped and his expression turned wistful. "I mean, Jane's baby is going to have the cutest cute button nose. I don't feel okay about it under the circumstances, but if you just go by internet meme scale it's going to be adorable."

"You made up the circumstances. You imagined the whole situation. You are creating your own misery," Kurt said mildly. Jane would have gorgeous babies; tiny cherished angels who never knew a moment of doubt they were loved and safe. She wouldn't allow anything else. He and the team wouldn't allow anything else. 

The nurse started pushing the chair, and Rich slumped. "It doesn't do any good to talk to her. She's not going to listen to common sense. I might need those pills."

Kurt glanced back into SIOC as they left, and noticed everyone had found reasons to visit other desks and discuss things suspiciously quietly. Maybe the gossip about he and Jane was a well-hidden problem he'd have to address with HR before it became an open one.

 

Jane and Roman arrived at work with their jackets over their arms and bagged lunches. They had excavated her fridge until they found the stuff for sandwiches. They also had water bottles, fruit cups and small portions of cheese and crackers for an afternoon snack. 

She led the way through the office, glancing back to see Roman's reaction to things. He was a little put off by the ultramodern gleam of the walls, but it would start to feel like any other workplace soon. She was giddy with the reality of her dream. Having Roman by her side as they earned their freedom was the best thing that had ever happened in her short working life. 

"Lunch isn't really a set time, but it's never that busy in here. People have too much work to be hanging out in the break room," she told Roman. "I'm not sure what Weller wants you doing, but I know he wanted us paired up for a week or so until you can get your bearings."

"I'm fine with whatever I can do to help," Roman said. He studied the coffee machine for a moment, figured out the settings and made himself a cup. "Do you want one?"

She was bursting with energy, despite a strange need to get up during the night and walk through the house to make sure everything was locked up and secure. She'd never had to check doors and windows more than once a day when she lived alone. But Jane had also known who would come for her, and the doors, windows and guards weren't what kept Shepherd away. 

Roman was sleeping better, and she knew he was eating well. They could hardly help it with the quantity of groceries they tripped over when they attempted opening the fridge. 

"No, thank you, I had a cup at home," she said. "We'll find Kurt first and see what he wants us to do. The team is usually here by now."

They went back to her desk, Roman sitting down with a curious glance at their coworkers. Tasha looked up and smiled and Edgar gave a brief salute with his cup of tea. Patterson was probably at her computers and breaking a tattoo code. 

Weller arrived from the hallway and headed right for them. He looked a little rushed for that early in the day, but he didn't call for team to get up and go to him. It wasn't an emergency but Jane sensed something off. He paused to check a text and Patterson slipped past him to sit in Reade's spare chair. 

"Good morning," Weller said. "I know we have a lot to do with the tattoos and the information about Sandstorm, but we also have a new member. Roman is joining us officially. Welcome aboard."

"Thank you," Jane's brother said happily. 

"I want to see if Roman has some of the language skills Jane has discovered by accident. It seems to work best under pressure, but I'm hoping it can also work by reading, writing or hearing it spoken. Jane will go with him, and they'll be in the translator's wing," Weller told them. "We don't need specific results. I'd like to have you start slow and get used to the workload. Dr. Sun's appointments are also mandatory, along with any break schedule she feels you'll need."

The younger man shook his head. "I like working, I don't really think I had time off . . . before."

Weller's pause was meaningful, but he cleared his throat and left that jagged admission alone. Jane tried to catch his eye and he moved to address the rest of the team. 

"Tasha, Reade and Patterson are going to be working some routine cases and making sure we are up to date on our post action reports. I'll be doing similar stuff around the office, though I might be called away for short times," Weller continued. "I won't be away long."

His tone was off, and Jane was certain of it now. He wasn't upset, but his shoulders were tense. She thought he was trying to be business as usual and smiled brightly at Roman. 

"I speak nine languages fluently, and I know enough to get by in four others," she told him. "It's pretty cool. The words just kind of come to me when I see it."

Roman looked a little apprehensive, but nodded. "I'm pretty sure you were always a better student than I was," he said. 

Jane gave him a quelling glance and went to stand next to Weller. "Is everything okay? Is there a reason you want Roman and me hidden away today," she asked quietly. 

His head tilted toward her, but his answer didn't reveal anything. "I want to start him out slowly, and languages were one of the easiest things you remembered. I'd like to see him gain confidence. Fieldwork is still a bit problematic if we're going to take him out all the time, but anything in the building is easier to sell."

She nodded. "Okay. We'll do our best."

Kurt stopped her as she turned away. "If you need me, text me and I'll come to you, okay? I'm going to be all over the building today. You don't need to wander around looking for me."

Jane gave him a look that made it plain she knew something was up, but she didn't let on to Roman as they headed to the translation wing. Kurt sighed, content he had his amnesiacs safely separated from the constant trigger warning that was Rich's commentary on Jane. 

"Are we expecting company we don't like," Reade asked dubiously. 

He had the feeling his playing it off casually was falling flat. "No, just giving the new guy a simple assignment until he gets on his feet," Kurt said. 

Patterson didn't say anything, but she managed to convey a disapproval in the rhythm of her typing. Tasha crossed her arms was her usual blunt self. 

"Yeah. You just sent Jane and Roman to hide in the attic," she said. "If you don't want them to worry, that's fine, but you can tell us and we can help you keep them away from whatever you're worried they'll see."

The unspoken part of that was he'd better have good reason for treating Jane and Roman differently than the rest of the team. Tasha had forgiven Jane a while ago, but their official return to being friends meant Jane's rights on the team would be upheld whether or not their consultant was present. 

He felt his face collapse into a cringe. "Rich Dotcom is here, and I'd prefer he not see Jane or meet Roman."

"I would happily pay to have never met Rich," Patterson said immediately. "Call me if you need me to keep Jane and Roman here."

"They should be safe with the translators," Kurt said, then corrected himself. "I mean, Rich isn't going to hurt anyone. He's just bored and suffering from an overactive imagination. He keeps ranting about babies."

Reade perked up with a look of mingled frustration and intrigue. "What babies? Is somebody having a baby around here?"

Kurt hadn't meant to repeat that, and tried to think of a good way to brush it off without looking like he was brushing it off. 

"It's Rich stuck in a wheelchair having delusions of Rear Window," Weller said quickly. "Who knows with that guy. If you catch him roaming the halls, let me know."

Weller left to get a minimum of work done, leaving his three agents blowing out slow exhales and making faces at one another. Tasha tilted her head all the way to one side, letting an idea sink in before she said it.

"How sure are we Weller and Jane never actually got together," she asked. 

"80 per cent or so, I thought, but now I'm wondering if they maybe - like, just once," Reade said apologetically. "Like after a tough mission, without thinking about it."

Patterson frowned. "Are we saying Jane's maybe having a baby at the same time Allie's having a baby? We'd know, wouldn't we? I mean, she wouldn't be out in the field."

"Unless Weller doesn't know," Tasha said unhappily. "That would be a big, tragic mess."

The blonde shook herself. "No! This is nuts! It's Rich! We should all just get to work and ignore everything he has to say. God, that guy makes anything seem plausible for just a second, just long enough to picture it and get worked up," she said sourly. 

They looked at one another, making silent agreements to keep their momentary lapse to themselves. Then Reade stuck his hands in his pockets and said, "So that 80 per cent? That goes down by, like, 5 per cent every day," he said seriously. "I mean, Rich is wrong about the details, but he's not wrong."

Tasha snickered. "Oh, yeah, that's happening."

"I hate to agree with someone named Rich Dotcom," Patterson said flatly. "But Jane and Weller are circling closer to . . . that . . . thing they want to do."

Another round of awkward eye contact stretched into long seconds before they mumbled excuses over one another and dispersed to their desks.

 

Rich looked over his shoulder, making a vague motion at his nurse. "Did you bring reading material? A magazine, anything?"

The nurse, David, shook his head and continued sitting patiently for hours and days and weeks and years until the lawyers came back to make them sit somewhere else for a long time. Rich was getting pretty tired of being in a wheelchair and he couldn't stand being at the FBI and not seeing anything interesting. His drugs weren't even interesting.

"Excuse me! Excuse me!? Is there a television around here? A video game console? Pack of cards, dice, anything? Do you have Pokemon Go? I'll level up that sickly Charizard and make it useful," he said to the two doctors ignoring his growing insanity. 

"We're not a children's ward, Mr. Dotcom," one of them said politely. "We treat agents with minor injuries. Anyone needing longterm care wouldn't be brought here."

"It's not a children's game. It's serious business," he said irritably. "You've gotta catch 'em all. You have to give me something, I'm going to start gnawing off my own leg to get to something entertaining!"

He spun his chair around, hoping someone would at least notice his skill. Rich sighed as everyone acted like he wasn't even there. "Hey, you guys might be a little bit fun," he suggested. "Any bets when Weller and Jane Doe will announce they're having a baby?"

One of the doctors had been doing something delicate, because she lost her grip and a handful of medical instruments dropped noisily. The other doctor looked over with a stern expression and said, "Mr. Dotcom, we don't discuss patients, particularly with visiting criminals."

The hacker frowned. "That's a bit harsh. I like to think of myself as a visiting member of the team. How else would I know about Jane and Weller?"

The male doctor gave him more of the same blank look, but the female doctor rolled her eyes. Rich nodded, and moved his chair to better see her. 

"Okay, that's fair. Everyone with eyes knows about Jane and Weller," he said. "But I think Kurt finds it easy to talk to me because I don't work here. Sometimes it's easier to tell a stranger; the understanding bartender, the hacker with a heart of burnished sterling silver . . . "

She smiled, and he congratulated himself on finally breaking through the icy facade. "You have been waiting a long time. There might be one place with something to do," she said. "If you and your nurse will come with me."

She led him down multiple hallways, ending in a small room with a single cot and a bookcase. There were several books on the shelves and the doctor nodded to them. "It's not much, but at least it will keep you occupied."

Rich checked through the modest collection, finding most of them stupidly boring. He had just found the one promising novel that looked to have at least a few sexy parts, when the door slammed shut, locking him in with his nurse. 

"Uh, hello? The door shut. I guess a stray breeze caught it," he said, trying to hide his snark. 

The female doctor looked at him squarely, this time from outside the clear wall of what was obviously a cell. "No, I shut and locked it. Assistant Director Weller said to lock you up if you weren't letting us do our jobs."

Rich shrugged. "I wasn't stopping you!"

"You were pretty annoying, and he specifically said being annoying was enough," she told Rich. "I'm only sorry for your nurse."

David looked up from his study of his shoes. "It's okay. I'm getting paid well," he said easily. 

Rich groaned as his nurse and the evil doctor bonded. This was even worse than his wait in the infirmary. 

"I'll take more pills now," he said sadly. "Ecstasy if you have them."

"I don't," Nurse David said, not a hint of humour. 

Rich insisted his pain was a 10 out of 10, and was doing his best to roll on Tylenol 3 when Jane's brother walked around the corner, stopped short and turned to leave again. 

"OH, Roman! Don't go! Hey man, hey! Hey," Rich called, frantic to meet the littlest amnesiac. 

Roman eyed him suspiciously, especially Nurse David. Rich shook his head, and tried to sit up in his chair. 

"Oh, ignore him, that's my nurse. It's not a sex thing," he said casually. Everything he said was going to have to be casual. He'd slipped a bribe to the prison dispensary to get something a bit nicer than Tylenol dusted over his pills. 

Up close, the gingery beard was even redder, and the eyes more blue. He was tall and muscular but he carried himself with a hesitation. Roman was the biggest, strongest, most delicate man candy Rich had ever seen in his life. He wanted to pat the bed and tell him to have a nice, long nap while someone who could knit would knit him a cozy sweater. The vulnerable gingersnap was a monument of beautiful soul trapped in a deceptively strong body. 

He wasn't for gobbling up. He was for hugging until his face couldn't help but relax into a blissful oblivion of unconditional love. He was Jane's little brother and Kurt Weller's substitute baby. 

"You're Roman! I'm Rich Dotcom," he said eagerly. "I'm sure Jane's told you all about me."

Roman shook his head, still cautious. It was going to take time, but Rich was just so, so happy to finally meet Jane's only family member. 

"Okay, maybe I'm top secret or something, but you're working with the team now," he said. "I was a dark web hacker, but now I'm a source for the FBI. Unfortunately, they have me living in prison, but I do get to visit my favourite agents."

He could hear himself going squeaky, and tried to modulate his tone. The drugs were a bit much at the moment, and Rich felt his words crowding as his thoughts slowed down. 

"I get it now," he said, smiling at Roman. "I know why Janie and Kurt are putting everything on hold until you're feeling better. You need them, and you're a good egg."

The younger man looked confused and nearly killed Rich running a hand through his lustrous hair. 

"I don't understand what you mean," he said uncomfortably. "What are they putting on hold? They're still chasing Shepherd and working on FBI cases."

Rich shook his head, fighting the dry mouth with smacking lips. "Nah, they'll keep working because your crazy mom is going to blow shit up. I meant them, being together! The baby! God, that's going to be a solid gold baby! They'll be able to charge admission to see it."

Roman looked over his shoulder, then back to Rich with pain in his eyes. "Jane and Weller are having a baby together? She just stopped seeing another guy," he said. 

"OLIVER! Fuh-PHHHT!" Rich spat on the floor, cringing as he realized what he'd done. "Sorry. That was gross. I'm on some of the drugs. My nurse is not the greatest."

"I was helping you manage your pain, Mr. Dotcom," Nurse David disagreed. "If there's something you require I'd be happy to help."

Rich waved him off. "I'm fine. I'm talking to Roman," he said, trying to pull himself together. "So, I don't want you to get the wrong idea about your sister. It's not just a physical thing. Jane and Kurt are in love. They've been in love forever. I was sure they were married, but they were just undercover. The chemistry, though! The chemistry!"

Roman was pale, his mouth held tightly shut. Deep in Rich's brain, an alarm was trying to shut him up, but he had a lot of practice ignoring that one. 

"They got into a fight at Costco when they were grocery shopping. Were Jane and Weller living together," Roman asked flatly.

"Probably! If they weren't, they were spending the night a lot. Then there was the big chill, and I couldn't figure out why, but it doesn't matter because we're back in business. Weller's all about the Jane. I'm surprised he can get his shoes on the right feet in the morning. And she's got a lot going on with helping you and spiking your Mom's plans, but nobody is more suited to be a mother. I can't wait. It's gonna be so nice not to have to worry about those two. The wedding is going to be a hell of a party."

Something about the slouch of Roman's shoulders broke into Rich's high, and he stopped talking. 

"Hey? Roman? It's all good. They have time," he said. "And I know they want to help you, too. What are you doing here, anyway?"

Gesturing to the book in Rich's hands, Roman said, "I forgot a book when I moved out of the cell and I was halfway done reading it. It wasn't good, but I think it would bug me forever not to finish it."

Rich dumped the book in the secure drawer and watched as it was picked up and tucked under his arm. He had imagined Roman more confident, more of an alpha. It was strange to be so pleased to be wrong. 

"Thank you. Will you excuse me? I need to find my sister." 

Roman left quickly, and Rich went back to enjoying his pain management. He had a lot of mulling over to do regarding Roman. He had to get that little muffin okay so Jane felt right about marrying Kurt and popping out stern-browed babies.

 

Jane had just fixed two cups of coffee, one full to bursting with sugar, when her brother came into the lunch room carrying a book. He set it down on the counter and she looked at it, expecting to see something of relevance. It was just a typical novel, and she met Roman's eyes questioningly. 

"Are you pregnant?" He was terse, almost confrontational.

She blanched, thinking of the last time she'd had sex. It was quite a while ago, with Oscar. She'd never been pregnant, according to all the tests the FBI had run when she first appeared. 

"Uh, no. Roman, what's going on?"

He shrugged, pacing in a tight corner of the break room. Jane looked over her shoulder and was grateful no one seemed to have heard him. 

"I met your friend Rich, and he said you and Weller are holding off being together so you can take care of me," Roman said roughly. "I know I'm a wreck, but I'm not a child. You can have your life. I want you to have a life. I certainly don't want you hiding a pregnancy or giving up on being with Weller. I like the guy. No one deserves to be lonely."

Jane felt her mouth open and hang, catching flies. She wasn't sure how to explain all the good reasons why it was the wrong time to be with Kurt. She didn't really want to have to do it in the office, where anyone could pass by and hear her talking about her personal life. 

"I'm not sacrificing anything as important to me as you are," she said. "I can have a relationship anytime, but you need me now. It's a exceptional case."

"You might not get a second chance," Roman said. "Everything about our lives is dangerous."

"Which is why I put you first. I've known you my whole life, but I know you've always been the brightest, most wonderful part of it."

He shook his head. "You didn't even remember me."

"Just because I didn't remember doesn't mean I didn't feel like your sister the second I saw you," Jane said. "I trusted you and I wanted you to be at my back because I knew that was how it had always been. You being here helps me, too!"

He looked like he might accept the explanation, but then his chin came up with a stubborn slant. "I still can't let you postpone having a life for me. It's not right that my freedom takes away from yours."

Jane picked up her coffee and drank deeply, bracing herself for a battle. She couldn't let Roman keep believing he didn't deserve every consideration she could offer. 

 

Jane burst into Weller's office with a flurry of movements, her eyes bright with fury. "I don't know why Rich is here, I don't need to know why, but you have to either get him out of the building now or I need to punch him really hard," she said. 

Her voice was wavering on tears, and he stood up, cursing. "Damn it! I put him in medical with two doctors and a nurse watching him. What did he do to you?"

She planted her feet and stood at ease, likely not even realizing she was doing it to hold her emotions in check. "He told Roman looking after him is the reason we're not together, and something about babies? I couldn't even make sense of some of it, but Roman didn't know not to believe a word. He's upset. He thinks I'm making some big sacrifice to have him live at my place. I love having him there, as much for myself as to look after him!"

And where else was Roman going to go? Even if Jane was missing her privacy and space, she wouldn't abandon her brother in a time of need. Kurt clenched his fists and summoned all the serenity he could fake. 

"Roman's just figuring out where he stands with people. It's natural he'll have to build himself back up," he said. "And we'll help him. I'll talk to him, too, and we'll make sure he knows the difference between the gossip and the truth. The most important thing is he's able to talk to you openly. If we know the problems he's having, we can support him."

Jane nodded. "I still want to punch Rich," she said. 

"I know. I'm sorry. I should have told you he was here, today. I thought I had him contained."

She smiled reluctantly. "I'm not sure there's a room big enough to contain Rich. He seeps through the walls. This wasn't your fault."

Her reassurance didn't erase the need to put the screws to Rich. Weller had gone to medical and found out the hacker should have been safely locked in Roman's old cell. He stomped down the maze of hallways, doing nothing to hide his anger. 

Rich was slouched in his wheelchair, obviously high on pain killers and looking sleepy. His nurse had actually stretched out on the bed and fallen asleep, answering the question if he was legit. Kurt put on his best drill sergeant voice and pounded on the clear wall. 

"Rich, what did you do to Roman!? Did you hit on him?"

Reaching up to scratch his head, Rich took a minute to answer. He yawned, but at least he sounded a little urgent when he replied. 

"Oh, no! Never, I couldn't. I mean, I have eyes, Kurt, and they still see you perfectly well. He's even better now that I've talked to him. But he's not for nibbling. He's your practice baby with Jane, which makes me Uncle Rich. I don't want him like that. I just want him to be happy and get addicted to a stupid video game he likes, and maybe try those weird jogging shoes that wrap around each toe. I want him to be like a silly puppy I can take to the park and make sure he has the best day ever."

Kurt blinked. He hadn't expected a nice but weird answer. He'd been prepared for a lot of talk about impure thoughts.

"Don't be condescending," he said plainly. "He's a grown man, and he needs a little help for a while until he can get on his feet."

"I know he's not a baby. I looked at him up close. I'm only human," Rich told him, tone a little defensive.

And he was high, which had combined with his love conspiracy theory to make Roman feel like a charity case. Jane really would punch him when she saw him next, and Kurt didn't feel like pretending to reprimand her.

"Okay, the new rule about Roman is that you don't talk to him and you don't look at or touch him. Or Jane."

Rich smiled. "So just you. I just focus on you."

Kurt gritted his teeth. "No, but if it really needs to get creepy, aim it at me and I can deal with it."

"Oh, I know you can."

"You made them upset," he told Rich. "You got nothing out of it, and you took away a little of the small comfort they have in this world."

"And Papa Weller got the bad guy. I'm sorry. I'll apologize -" Rich offered, holding up his hands quickly. "- by a note. Did I mention I was high and I didn't even hit on him? He's adorable. You didn't say he's adorable."

Listening to Rich repeat himself was enough for Weller to need one of the pills the hacker had taken. 

"Again, he's a grown man and I'm not interested in Jane's brother for his looks."

"And you're both proud of your Roman. I can tell. Why didn't you say it was Roman Jane was living with?"

Kurt had nearly forgotten the moment of taunting he'd indulged earlier in the day. Any satisfaction was long gone, and he was just sorry Rich had been able to cause trouble. 

"Because I can be petty sometimes, Rich. I can be childish and mean and sometimes I just like seeing you frustrated."

"That explains the cut of some of your pants, Stubbles. Just cruel to the tender hearts around you." Rich shook his head sadly, as if Kurt was the one with the odd ideas about human interaction. 

"I could watch Speed again, Rich. I have that unhealthy obsession to feed. Maybe I'll have some kind of flashback and someone will get shot as the hostage," he offered. 

Kurt left the front of the cell and walked around to the door, happy to see Rich at least knew to look worried when he had an armed FBI agent struggling with the urge to take a warning shot. Walking into the cell, he jostled the nurse and started wheeling Rich away before his drug mule could wake up all the way.

"The lawyers are waiting for you," he said. "Too bad they couldn't be ready an hour earlier."

Rich was happily tuning out any criticism of his own behaviour. His rant of romantic future plans didn't leave room for any options other than complete and blissful commitment.

"When you and Jane get married, you have to make Roman your best man. I know he's more Jane's side but you should have seen his face light up when we were talking about the wedding. It's like he learned joy was possible just this week. I'm serious about taking him to the park. I don't think anyone has ever bought him ice cream and sat on a bench while he fed ducks. Jane should go, too, but Roman really needs it. Ice cream, ducks, let's book it!"

Weller looked behind him to see the nurse had finally caught up, shrugging into a jacket and trying to look professional. He wanted to berate the nurse for not keeping his patient under wraps, but Rich had a way of making everyone look like they were barely paying attention to their jobs. 

"You're not taking anyone anywhere," he said. "My actual baby, my practice baby with Jane, any future children from anyone I know. Pets, even, or houseplants. If I find you trying to lure Roman away I will have your cell stripped down to bare floors."

Rich did a grand gesture as if he'd completed a magic trick. "See? Told you he was your practice baby. You're full Papa Bear and I didn't think it could get any better than All Business Weller. Are you thinking about growing out the beard a little? I feel like it's a little fuller. Robust with paternal concern and wisdom."

He had been, but Rich seemed way too excited about beards. "No, nope. Just short on time this morning."

"Too bad. I like the beard look lately, nice gingery kind of a thrill."

"Rich, I warned you multiple times about Roman, and you seem to be referencing him inappropriately again."

"Sorry. It's a hard image to shake. He told me you and Jane had some trouble at Costco. Grocery shopping is hard on a relationship. Let me tell you right now, never go furniture shopping together. Boston and I once came to blows over a teal sofa at a Wayfair store, of all places. It's the only time I've ever said 'Come at me, Bro!' and meant it. I was prepared to die for that sofa."

Kurt felt his brain squirm away from the idea of being weird in the same way as Rich. He was okay with having similar fights to ordinary couples at Costco, but not having himself and Jane compared to Rich and Boston.

"I don't know what to say to that."

"I'm just trying to pass on the knowledge. Don't shop at the store together. Just choose six or seven decent options on the website you can agree upon and pick it up. Do not set foot on that showroom floor," Rich said seriously. "You will never pick the same sofa set. I want this to last. You're a father now, and you have a responsibility to keep Jane content. I'm pretty sure she totally wants a baby. I think it's a really great time. Your kid with Jane and your kid with Allie can be best friends. That math works out! Think about it."

Kurt stopped at the service elevator, an ancient beast with a preposterously bumpy ride. It was going to be uncomfortable, but it was also very far away from Jane and Roman. The doors creaked open and Mitchell stepped out with a dubious look at the elevator. 

"I can't believe this thing still works," he said. "Thanks for looking after the prisoner. Any issues to report?"

Weller shook his head. "He complained about being bored. I thought I'd let him enjoy our antique elevator to get his blood pumping," he said, giving Rich a pointed look.


End file.
